Relationships are an essential part of our lives. They can offer fun, love, happiness and support. However, they can also be complicated, creating feelings of anguish particularly if they go don’t go to plan. There are many reasons why relationship difficulties can arise, and we’ll cover them here.

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Everyone's relationships are unique. But sometimes we face similar issues.
Whatever you're going through in your relationship, it can be comforting to know that you're not alone. Here are some practical tips to help you with the most common relationship problems.

My partner and I don't talk any more - it feels as if we've drifted apart. How can I improve communication with my partner?
Set aside time to talk when you will not be interrupted. Take it in turns to have airtime - some people find setting a timer for five minutes, one speaking while the other listens, then reversing the process, can create a space for each to talk without interruption. Tell your partner how you felt, feel or will be feeling about something without blaming them. This can be tricky, but it is a very useful way of owning your feelings. Plan to go together somewhere that provides an environment you both find relaxing e.g. a walk in the park, a drink at a pub or a coffee when you're shopping, etc. Remember that communication isn't all verbal. Consider what your body language communicates to your partner about what you're both saying. Don't be surprised if there isn't an improvement straight away - you wouldn't expect to dance the salsa after only one attempt, would you?

I can't seem to stop arguing with my partner. What can we do?
Arguments are common in relationships. Some degree of conflict can even be healthy, as it means both people are expressing themselves, rather than keeping everything inside and letting emotions fester. But if you’re arguing all the time, or simple disagreements end up in a hostile silence or screaming match, it can really start to take a toll on things – or even leave you wondering whether you’re all that compatible in the first place.

Learning ways to handle disagreements constructively is crucial in any relationship.
We always say: conflict is inevitable. It’s how you deal with it that counts. It can be useful to think of an argument like an onion. The outer layer is what you're speaking about, while the deeper layers beneath represent the issues beneath this. In other words, sometimes what we argue about is only a symptom of what's going wrong, not the cause. For example, Sam gets into an argument with his partner about whether they do their fair share of the household chores. On the surface, the argument may seem to be about something small, but it could also tap into wider feelings about how well supported Sam feels in the relationship generally. It may also remind him of other situations when he has felt let down and unsupported by other people in his life. For Sam’s partner, the argument may tap into deeper worries about how controlling they feel Sam can be. 

If you find you and your partner argue frequently, or about the same kinds of things a lot, it can be a good idea to think about what’s really causing the conflict. Are you arguing about what you think you’re arguing about – or are there other things going on the relationship that frustrate or worry you? You may want to consider other influences too: have there been any recent changes in your lives that may have put extra pressure on either of you? This could be something like a bereavement, starting a new family, moving to a new house, financial problems, work pressures or just a reaching a relationship milestone such as reaching a big birthday. Maybe you have been spending less quality time together than before? Has there been an incident that one or both of you is struggling to get over? Did you use to argue less? And if so, why do you think that is? Seeing past your emotions and trying to look at the wider context of the situation can be a great way of getting to the bottom of what’s going on.

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If you and your partner are having trouble resolving a difference in opinion, you might like to consider the following:

• Talk things over - properly: 
  It’s an obvious one, but bears saying: if you’re having a disagreement, talk it over. Listen to what each other has to say. And that means really listening – not just waiting for your turn to speak. When it comes to explaining your own position, speak calmly, openly, and honestly. Don’t attack your partner’s ideas, simply stick to what it is that you think e.g. using “I think/feel ...”. It may be that, after talking things through, you realise you aren’t quite as opposed as you thought – or that one member of the couple relaxes their view a little. At any rate, making sure you understand each other’s opinions properly gives you a much surer footing from which to move forward.
  
  
• Try to see where they’re coming from: 
  You may be able to understand your partner’s opinion better if you try to understand the reasons behind it. Perhaps they grew up in a very different environment or received a different kind of education to you. Perhaps they’ve been influenced by family members or friends. And it may be worth doing the same for your own opinion – do you hold your beliefs because they simply make the most sense, or could other factors be at play too? 
  
  
• Find the common ground:
  Even if your ideas are different, it’s likely that you agree on certain key things – after all, it’s unlikely you’d have any interest in each other if you were completely opposed on every level! Don’t just focus on the differences at play: recognise that there are plenty of areas for which you have common ground too.
  
  
• Don’t force things:
  It isn’t healthy to try to impose your beliefs on another person. In fact, having different opinions can be healthy and interesting. You may want to think in terms of embracing your differences – seeing them as positives rather than potential sources of friction. After all, the world would be a boring place if we all agreed 100% of the time!
  
  
• Are they right?
  It isn’t always easy to accept that someone might have things closer to the mark than we do, but it’s a sign of true maturity to consider the possibility. If you were weighing up the disagreement objectively, whose side would you be on? Sometimes, coming up against ideas that are different to our own can be an opportunity to learn, if we’re not too proud to take it!
  
  
• Know your boundaries: 
  That said, it is important to figure out how different is too different. If you feel like the things that you and your partner are disagreeing on are fundamentally important to you – and that you aren’t likely to be able to find a compromise – it might be worth thinking about how this could affect things in future. After all, if they really are deal breakers, it’s likely they’ll come up again.

We have the highest divorce rates of any sector, at 68.8%. The main reason for divorce or separation within our industry is excess travel followed by infidelity, and then caring for a sick parent, child, or partner. Affairs rarely have just one cause, and they don't always happen because of unhappiness or dissatisfaction in a relationship. It's vital that you both understand the real reasons why it happened.

If your partner had an affair, to come to terms with why it happened you will need to talk about their vulnerability to an affair - what was happening in your lives and in your relationship before they first came into contact with the other person, how might your partner's lifestyle have contributed (e.g. working away from home), what beliefs did you both hold about fidelity? Part of the process is being honest with yourself about your own vulnerabilities to an affair and why these might have been different to your partner's. This can be very painful and can take a lot of time, but unless you know what went wrong, you won't be able to change things in the future. Be patient. It takes time to rebuild trust that has been broken.

• The unfaithful partner must end the affair, once and for all.
• They should be transparent about their future actions, share information about schedules and movements and disclose any interactions with the other person.
• It might be necessary for a short time to share privacy controls such as passwords since it could be impossible for a deceived partner to trust without this level of openness.
• Talk it through. 
• The whole process may take months or longer. Often, the unfaithful partner wants to draw a line under events and not talk about them, or a faithful partner is reluctant to ask questions in case the answers are too painful. It's important to tell the story of the affair and why it happened.
• Set a time limit for your discussions, and don't talk when you're tired. You could end up talking for hours and hours and go around in circles.
• Agree to discuss future challenges too, don't just hope they'll go away. Talk about the future threats to your fidelity, like crushes or friendships that could cross the line.
• Commit to a new future together. Both of you must do this and mean it.
• Find time for each other, take an interest in each other’s lives and feelings, and resolve to be honest with each other in future, even if it means taking a risk.
• It can be hard to restore a sexual relationship after an affair. Be patient with each other and talk about any emotional barriers. Give some thought to how a satisfying sexual relationship can alleviate some of the pain, but remember patience and honesty are the key.
• Consider some relationship counselling.

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5. Practice:
Our final tip is to remember that communication is a skill and it takes practice to get good at it. If you want to develop your ability to communicate as a couple, you’ll need to build positive habits into the way you talk and make a real effort to stick to them. Some days you’ll be better than others, and some days you won’t manage it at all. But if you persevere, you will find that, over time, your ability to say what’s on your mind and listen when your partner tells you what’s on theirs, does get better.

 

 

Criticism – If you are unhappy with something in your relationship, by all means, express it, but instead of attacking with criticism, you can use a gentle start-up. Check out this video on how to diffuse arguments Diffusing Difficult Conversations with Love | Dr. Julie Gottmanour - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYIzzs6Gv9A

If you suspect your child is being bullied, watch out for these signs:

• Any bruises or marks
• Missing or broken possessions, such as stationary or schoolbooks
• Becoming quieter or more withdrawn
• Eating less or more or changes in their sleeping patterns
• Sudden changes in mood or behaviour
• Signs of anxiety around going to school
• A sudden drop in grades.

• Listen to them:
  Don’t just prescribe solutions. Many children don’t tell their parents about bullying because they’re scared things will be taken out of their hands and made worse. Try to understand how they are making sense of what’s happening. Make suggestions rather than telling them what to do. The aim is to help and empower them to work out what they’d like to do about the situation.
  
  
• Comfort them:
  Make time to talk regularly about how the bullying has made them feel. Bullying can cause a lot of stress and anxiety for a young person and can have a negative effect on their self-esteem. Talk to them about their emotions. Let them know there’s no shame in feeling hurt or upset. Spending time together doing anything that gives your young person a sense of achievement can help to boast their self-esteem.
  
  
• Reassure them:
  Many children worry they’ve brought the bullying on themselves. Let them know that bullying is unacceptable – and that none of this is their fault. Let them know that everyone is different and unique; this is something to be praised!
  
  
• Don’t encourage them to hit or shout back:
  There’s every chance this will make the problem worse and, if they’re already suffering from low self-esteem or anxiety, is likely to put them under more stress. Instead explore what options they feel they have that may help them to feel better or more in control of the situation.

It is important to note that online bullying can also affect adults and is even prevalent within professional organisations. Recent research shows there is a connection between COVID19 and an increase in Cyberbullying - both volume and severity. It was published just last week and conducted worldwide, covering dozens of countries and hundreds of organizations.

Basic stats:
• 81% of professional support organizations reported an increase in Cyberbullying.
• 51.4% of organizations had to shut down or decrease activity, and couldn't help victims in the last few months.
• 9.7% had to shut down permanently due to the economic damage of the pandemic.
*statistics gathered externally by Rachel Parker.

As parents we take care of our children to the best of our ability. Because we care, and show it in different ways, children learn to trust their parents. How can you build trust in your relationship with your teen? Children might not learn to trust their parents, especially if a parent makes promises they can’t keep and does not or cannot deliver and so ideally, the message to any parent needs to be “don’t make promises you can’t keep”

Sometimes, when a parent is not available when a child or teenager really needs them, they begin to think that can’t be relied upon or trusted. Mostly, there are enough times when a parent is there for them to balance this and parenting is about managing that balance. When teenagers start to take more responsibility for themselves, it is sometimes difficult to trust them to make decisions and to do the “right” thing. Interestingly, if we don’t let teenagers take responsibility for themselves, they are more likely to rebel. It’s hard to get it right. Trust is different from rules Rules are the boundaries you set within your family and with your teenager for their safety and your family standards. When teenagers try to begin to think like adults, they have to make decisions based on working out whether something is acceptable, safe and ok for them.

But teens don’t think like adults, they are:

• More likely to be persuaded by peer pressure
• Less likely to think about the future
• More likely to be impulsive
• Less likely to think about risks

So, they will need guidance and to have your say without preaching is important.

What you can do:
Try to encourage and invite discussion, without it sounding as though you are laying down yet more rules.

Try to use sentences that begin with:

• “I wonder”
• “Have you thought about”
• “It might be a good idea if..”
• “I find that”
• “I worry about”

Create trust by learning to listen, be ready to discuss without judging and sometimes make allowance for them getting it wrong. This means not saying “I told you so” but listening to what they have learned from their experiences. When trust is broken, or repeatedly broken, then closer monitoring or restriction of freedom is the only way you have as a parent to show that you care enough to hang on in there until some learning has taken place. Try to gradually give your teens opportunities for them to show you that they can be trusted and make encouraging remarks when all goes well. Trust is two way – the more trustworthy you are, the more trustworthy your teenager is likely to be.