We look at the emotional side of living with Cancer, how it can affect your loved ones and the services we can provide you and your families through the treatment period and your transition back in to normal life afterwards.

Finding out that you have prostate cancer is a frightening and overwhelming experience which can bring a host of emotions that can be extremely difficult to manage. Once an individual is diagnosed with any form of cancer, a support network can make a huge difference in their quality of life. Unfortunately, not everyone facing cancer has that much-needed support and they are often left to cope with this life-changing condition alone, which often results in a deterioration of their mental health.

Recently, the Electrical Industries Charity (EIC) helped John, who reached out to the Charity for assistance after struggling financially and emotionally following his prostate cancer diagnosis, due to which he had his prostate removed. 

Prostate cancer is the most common cancer in men in the UK. According to recent statistics revealed by Cancer Research UK, every year there are 47,700 new prostate cancer cases, that's around 130 every day.

On top of his condition, John also suffers from pernicious anaemia which is causing fatigue and spondylitis pain in his joints and spine, and as a result of this he is unable to return to work.

Although John is now in remission, the cancer experience has been extremely challenging for him as he had no one to turn to for support as his only relative, his beloved sister, tragically died a few years ago, which he is still finding difficult to cope with.

Prior to his distressing cancer diagnosis, John was an avid runner and cyclist but due to cancer he was no longer able to do this as he felt weak and no longer had the energy he once had. Additionally, since being diagnosed with prostate cancer, John lost all self-confidence due to complications during his treatment, which resulted in the deterioration of his mental health.

What’s more, despite managing financially, John’s new diet of organic food is expensive and does not allow for disposable income for other resources. To help John regain his confidence and improve his mental wellbeing, EIC assisted by funding the cost of a set of weights and a pair of gym shoes so he can continue with his exercises. John is thrilled with his new equipment and is looking forward to starting a new, happier chapter in his life by improving his physical and mental health.

EIC continues to maintain contact with John to see how he is progressing and whether further assistance is needed.

Living with a life-threatening illness can be an incredibly lonely experience and can put significant pressure on an individual’s mental wellbeing. In our sector, stress and depression are some of the most common matters to deal with, but 95% of people in the industry never discuss feeling depressed with their family, colleagues or friends.

A larger support network from the industry can play a vital part in ensuring that those who are struggling during or after cancer treatment are getting the help they need to live a more independent and happier life. So why not show your support by becoming a partner of EIC’s Employee Assistance Programme today or take part in powerLottery by downloading EIC’s powerLottery app and tap the app to play.

If you or someone you love are experiencing mental health issues and struggling to cope, please get in touch with EIC for assistance. For free and confidential advice e-mail: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or call 0800 652 1618.

Alternatively, if you would like to discover more about mental health and gain the confidence to step in when you witness someone struggling with mental health problems, sign up to the Mental Health Awareness course or Mental Health First Aider course today by contacting Jess Vailima: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Being diagnosed with cancer can come as a huge shock to anyone and can bring confusion, anger and uncertainty which can be difficult to cope with financially emotionally and physically.

According to Cancer Research UK, each year, around 7,800 new cases of mouth and oropharyngeal cancer are diagnosed in the UK. Mouth and oropharyngeal cancer are more common in men than in women, affecting 1 in 75 men and 1 in 150 women at some point in their life.

Once a person is diagnosed with a terminal illness not only do they have to deal with the stress and upset it causes them and their family, it also brings with it a lot of uncertainty and anxiety in other parts of their life. In many cases, it becomes overwhelming, and it is difficult to know where to start or whom to turn to for help and support.

Neil developed cancer of the throat and mouth in 2014, which resulted in the removal of his teeth and the partial removal of his jaw and tongue. Since the life-changing diagnosis, he underwent chemotherapy and radiotherapy and developed gout as a result of this treatment. A year later, cancer returned, and Howard underwent a further operation to remove more of his jaw. He has since been having MRI scans every six months to keep cancer at bay.

Due to his condition, Neil can only eat pureed food, and his cancer nurse specialist recommended he eats three meals a day from Wiltshire Farm Foods who provide nutritionally balanced food, which comes ready prepared. However, each meal costs £5, and he could only afford one per day and substituted the rest with a soup which was affecting his vital nutritional intake.

On top of his distressing illness, in 2017, Neil had an infestation of scabies mite in his rented apartment which resulted in him losing all of his belongings including his bed, mattress and all of his clothing and left him sleeping on an airbed.

Neil contacted EIC for assistance to help him to improve his quality of life by replacing the essential items that were lost during the infestation. He had also applied for a Personal Independence Payment (PIP) to help with daily living costs.

We have continued to support Neil by providing him with £35 per week to fund his Wiltshire Farm Foods as he is still struggling to secure his PIP income. Since he came to us, his arthritis has flared up considerably and whilst he has some good days, on bad days he is exhausted and in considerable pain. He has been refused Personal Independence Payments twice and we are going to provide an expert to help him to reapply.

We have recently provided a specialist Occupational Therapist to undertake an assessment and to help him with guidance in making some of his meals for himself. However, this brought to light other difficulties he faces – for example he may be able to shop one day but then be too exhausted to stand and do any preparation or cooking. Domestic blenders may not puree some food items such as meat to the correct level which leaves him at risk of choking, whilst the time it takes to cook meat is too long for him when he gets tired and in pain.

Just soups alone would not be enough for him nutritionally and he could become severely undernourished.

We will continue to support him in the short term, but being in receipt of the relevant benefits would greatly enhance his quality of life.

If you or someone you love are struggling to cope, please get in touch with EIC for assistance. For free and confidential advice e-mail: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or call 0800 652 1618.

It is anyone’s worse nightmare to discover they carry a cancerous gene but to then discover that you have passed this mutant gene onto both your daughters is life altering. This is the reality Mark and his family faced in New Year 2019 when Mark, an employee of large energy management company, approached the Electrical Industries Charity after struggling with his and his daughter’s diagnosis.

When Mark initially spoke to the welfare team, he was incredibly depressed and felt guilty for passing the BCRA gene onto his daughters. The BCRA 1 and BCRA 2 gene are two examples of genes which elevate the risk of cancer if they have altered or mutated. Within a man the two genes can elevate the chance of prostate and male breast cancer but within women the presence of the BCRA 1 & 2 gene significantly increases the risk of breast and ovarian cancer. Mark knew several of his female relatives including his aunts and his mother had passed away from breast cancer and it was because of the prevalence within his family that he undertook genetic testing. Mark was told he carried both BCRA 1 & 2 and these genes had been passed onto his two daughters. Mark was incredibly distressed, and the Electrical Industries Charity (EIC) sought and funded a counselling psychologist for Mark.

Although Mark was now partaking in therapy and making progress the effect on his daughters was also profound. Both daughters, only young adults, now had to consider a double mastectomy and even hysterectomies later in life. While they both desire to have a family, they understand the removal of their uterus will reduce their chances of developing ovarian cancer drastically. The family persist with a positive outlook but understandably continue to struggle with the gravity of what they still have to go through.

Mark has had several cancer scares but with the help of ongoing therapy and the support the EIC welfare team he is feeling less depressed. The EIC now support Mark’s younger daughter who is only 22. She is due to have a double mastectomy within the next few months and has decided to undertake uterus removal after she has had a family. Although both her family and her partner are incredibly supportive, she feels overwhelmed and is naturally very anxious. She has known for two years that she carries the BCRA 1 gene and during this period has undergone several medical investigations including investigations into her kidneys and bowels. During this distressing time the EIC have supported Mark’s daughter with therapy and will continue to do so until she feels less overwhelmed.

1 in 2 people within the UK are likely to develop cancer and breast cancer is the most common cancer within the UK. Every 10 minutes someone is diagnosed with breast cancer meaning 5,000 people each month are told they have breast cancer at varying stages. While the BCRA1 or BCRA2 genes only contribute to the 5% of all people diagnosed yearly the effect this gene can have is understandably devastating. Mark and his daughter continue to receive therapy funded by the EIC and despite their diagnosis are feeling more positive with the support of the welfare team.

If you are struggling with a diagnosis or know someone who is you can contact our free and confidential support team on 0800 652 1618 or using This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Alternatively, if you would like to support those like Mark and his daughters when they need it most contact the fundraising team for ideas, challenges and sponsorship forms: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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Most inherited cases of breast cancer are associated with mutations in two genes: BRCA1 (Breast Cancer gene one) and BRCA2 (Breast Cancer gene two).

Everyone has BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes. The function of the BRCA genes is to repair cell damage and keep breast, ovarian, and other cells growing normally. But when these genes contain mutations that are passed from generation to generation, the genes don't function normally and breast, ovarian, and other cancer risk increases. BRCA1 and BRCA2 mutations may account for up to 10% of all breast cancers, or 1 out of every 10 cases.

Having a BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutation doesn't mean you will be diagnosed with breast cancer. Women who are diagnosed with breast cancer and have a BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutation often have a family history of breast cancer, ovarian cancer, and other cancers. Still, most people who develop breast cancer did not inherit a genetic mutation linked to breast cancer and have no family history of the disease.

You are substantially more likely to have a genetic mutation linked to breast cancer if:

• You have blood relatices on either your mothers or father's sife of the family who had breast cancer diagnosed before the age of 50
• There is both breast and ovarian cancer on the same of the family or in a single individual 
• You have a relative with triple-negative breast cancer 
• There are other cancers in your family in addition to breast, such as prostrate, meanoma, pancreatic and uterine
• Women in your family have had cancer in both breasts 
• You are of Ashkenazi Jewish (Eastern European) heritage.
• You are African American and have been diagnosed with breast cancer at age 35 or younger.
• A man in your family has had breast cancer.
• There is a known abnormal breast cancer gene in your family.

If one family member has a genetic mutation linked to breast cancer, it does not mean that all family members will have it.

Men who have a BRCA2 mutation have a higher risk of breast cancer than men who don't -- about 8% by the time they're 80 years old. This is about 80 times greater than average.

Men with a BRCA1 mutation have a slightly higher risk of prostate cancer. Men with a BRCA2 mutation are 7 times more likely than men without the mutation to develop prostate cancer. Other cancer risks, such as cancer of the skin or digestive tract, also may be slightly higher in men with a BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutation.

Genetic Testing

There are genetic tests available to determine if someone has a BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutation. A genetic counsellor is also used to support people and family going through testing.

Steps you can take

If you know you have an abnormal gene linked to breast cancer, there are lifestyle choices you can make to keep your risk as low it can be:

• Maintaining a healthy weight
• Exercising regularly
• Limiting alcohol
• Eating nutritious food
• Never smoking (or quitting if you do smoke)

These are just a few steps you can take. Review the links on the left side of this page for more options.Along with these lifestyle choices, there are other risk-reduction options for women at high risk because of abnormal genetics.

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Rather than surrendering to despair and impersonal medical treatments, growing numbers of cancer patients are empowering themselves with information and control over their therapies.

If you've been diagnosed with cancer, knowing what to expect and making plans for how to proceed can help make this stressful time easier.

Learning that you have cancer is a difficult experience. After your cancer diagnosis, you may feel anxious, afraid or overwhelmed and wonder how you can cope during the days ahead. Here are 11 suggestions for coping with a cancer diagnosis:

1. Get the facts about your cancer diagnosis

Try to obtain as much basic, useful information about your cancer diagnosis as you need in order to make decisions about your care.
Write down your questions and concerns beforehand and bring them with you. Consider asking:

Consider bringing a family member or friend with you to your first few doctor appointments to help you remember what you hear. You might also want to consider how much you want to know about your cancer. Some people want all the facts and details, so they can be very involved in the decision-making process. Others prefer to learn the basics and leave details and decisions to their doctors. Think about which approach works best for you. Let your health care team know what you'd prefer.

2. Keep the lines of communication open

Maintain honest, two-way communication with your loved ones, doctors and others after your cancer diagnosis. You may feel particularly isolated if people try to protect you from bad news or if you try to put up a strong front. If you and others express emotions honestly, you can all gain strength from each other.

3. Anticipate possible physical changes

Now — after your cancer diagnosis and before you begin treatment — is the best time to plan for changes. Prepare yourself now so that you'll be better able to cope later.

Ask your doctor what changes you should anticipate. If drugs will cause hair loss, advice from image experts about clothing, makeup, wigs and hairpieces may help you feel more comfortable and attractive. Insurance often helps pay for wigs, prostheses and other adaptive devices.

Members of cancer support groups may be particularly helpful in this area and can provide tips that have helped them and others.

Also consider how treatment will impact your daily activities. Ask your doctor whether you can expect to continue your normal routine. You may need to spend time in the hospital or have frequent medical appointments. If your treatment will require a leave of absence from your normal duties, make arrangements for this.

4. Maintain a healthy lifestyle

This can improve your energy level. Choose a healthy diet consisting of a variety of foods and get adequate rest in order to help you manage the stress and fatigue of the cancer and its treatment.
Exercise and participating in enjoyable activities also may help. Recent data suggest that people who maintain some physical exercise during treatment not only cope better but also may live longer.

5. Let friends and family help you

Often friends and family can run errands, provide transportation, prepare meals and help you with household chores. Learn to accept their help. Accepting help gives those who care about you a sense of making a contribution at a difficult time.

Also encourage your family to accept help if it's needed. A cancer diagnosis affects the entire family and adds stress, especially to the primary caregivers. Accepting help with meals or chores from neighbours or friends can go a long way in preventing caregiver burnout.

6. Review your goals and priorities

Determine what's really important in your life. Find time for the activities that are most important to you and give you the most meaning.

If needed, try to find a new openness with loved ones. Share your thoughts and feelings with them. Cancer affects all of your relationships. Communication can help reduce the anxiety and fear that cancer can cause.

7. Try to maintain your normal lifestyle

Maintain your normal lifestyle but be open to modifying it as necessary. Take one day at a time. It's easy to overlook this simple strategy during stressful times. When the future is uncertain, organizing and planning may suddenly seem overwhelming.

8. Consider how your diagnosis will impact your finances

Many unexpected financial burdens can arise as a result of a cancer diagnosis. Your treatment may require time away from work or an extended time away from home. Consider the additional costs of medications, medical devices, traveling for treatment and parking fees at the hospital.

Many clinics and hospitals keep lists of resources to help you financially during and after your cancer treatment. Talk with your health care team about your options.


Questions to ask include:

• Will I have to take time away from work?
• Will my friends and family need to take time away from work to be with me?
• Will my insurance pay for these treatments?
• Will my insurance cover the cost of medications?
• How much will my out-of-pocket costs be?
• If insurance won't pay for my treatment, are there assistance programs that can help?
• Do I qualify for disability benefits?
• How does my diagnosis affect my life insurance?

9. Talk to other people with cancer

Sometimes it will feel as if people who haven't experienced a cancer diagnosis can't fully understand how you're feeling. It may help to talk to people who have been in your situation. Other cancer survivors can share their experiences and give you insight into what you can expect during treatment.

You may have a friend or family member who has had cancer. Or you can connect with other cancer survivors through support groups. Ask your doctor about support groups in your area or contact your local chapter of the American Cancer Society. Online message boards also bring cancer survivors together. Start with the American Cancer Society's Cancer Survivors Network.

10. Fight stigmas

Some old stigmas associated with cancer still exist. Your friends may wonder if your cancer is contagious. Co-workers may doubt you're healthy enough to do your job, and some may withdraw for fear of saying the wrong thing. Many people will have questions and concerns.
Determine how you'll deal with others' behaviours toward you. By and large, others will take their cues from you. Remind friends that even if cancer has been a frightening part of your life, it shouldn't make them afraid to be around you.

11. Develop your own coping strategy

Just as each person's cancer treatment is individualized, so is the coping strategy. Ideas to try:

• Practice relaxation techniques.
• Share your feelings honestly with family, friends, a spiritual adviser or a counsellor.
• Keep a journal to help organize your thoughts.
• When faced with a difficult decision, list the pros and cons for each choice.
• Find a source of spiritual support.
• Set aside time to be alone.
• Remain involved with work and leisure activities as much as you can.

What comforted you through rough times before your cancer diagnosis is likely to help ease your worries now, whether that's a close friend, religious leader or a favourite activity that recharges you. Turn to these comforts now, but also be open to trying new coping strategies.

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A cancer diagnosis can have a huge impact on most patients, families, and caregivers. Feelings of depression, anxiety, and fear are very common and
are normal responses to this life-changing experience.

Many things can cause these feelings. Changes in body image can affect self-esteem and confidence. Family and work roles may be altered. People might feel grief at these losses and changes. Physical symptoms such as pain, nausea, or extreme tiredness (fatigue) also seem more likely to cause emotional distress. People might also fear death, suffering, pain, or all the unknown things that lie ahead.

Family members and caregivers often have these feelings, too. They may be afraid of losing their loved one. They may also feel angry because someone they love has cancer, frustrated that they “can’t do enough,” or stressed because they have to take on more at home.

People with cancer, as well as their friends and family, can feel distress about these things at any time after a cancer diagnosis, even many years after the cancer is treated. As the cancer situation changes, they all must cope with new stressors as well as with the old, and their feelings often change, too.

Social support lessens anxiety and depression

Patients with more social support tend to feel less anxious and depressed and report a better quality of life. People with cancer find it encouraging to have others who listen and help with the practical aspects of dealing with cancer. Asking family members and loved ones for this kind of support may help reduce the patient’s distress and the distress of those who care about him or her.

Putting up a front

Some people might put up a false front, or put on a “happy face,” even if they don’t really feel that way. This may be their way of trying to protect the people they love, and possibly themselves, from painful feelings. Some people believe even that a person with cancer can improve their outcome by being cheerful and happy all the time – but this isn’t true.

Studies of coping styles and survival or recurrence (cancer coming back after treatment) show that being cheerful has little to no effect on cancer. Still, some people with cancer feel guilty for being sad or fearful and may try to act happy and “be positive” even when it’s painful to them. If this might be happening, gently tell the person that you’re willing to listen to their feelings, no matter what they are. The message may be something like, “I care about you, and I’m here for you whether you are happy, afraid, angry, or sad.”

Sharing your concerns with your cancer care team

Being able to talk with the cancer care team about concerns such as fears, pain, and other issues may help the patient feel more comfortable. Someone on the team can answer questions and talk about any concerns. They can also refer the patient to a mental health professional if needed.

Depression, anxiety, and other emotional problems can nearly always be helped with a combination of medicines, support groups, or psychotherapy. But first, a person must recognize that they need help dealing with their emotions and responses to the major changes that cancer brings to their lives. In the confusion and stress that come after a cancer diagnosis, the emotional problems of people with cancer and those around them can often become fairly serious before they’re recognized.

When to call the cancer care team about the cancer patient with emotional concerns

While going through a wide range of emotions is a normal part of coping with cancer, some things should not be ignored. If the patient or someone close to them has any of these problems, please get help right away:

• Has thoughts or plans of suicide (or of hurting himself or herself)
• Is unable to eat or sleep
• Lacks interest in usual activities for many days
• Is unable to find pleasure in things they’ve enjoyed in the past
• Has emotions that interfere with daily activities and last more than a few days
• Is confused
• Has trouble breathing
• Is sweating more than usual
• Is very restless
• Has new or unusual symptoms that cause concern

Cancer changes people’s lives. The emotional stress it causes can be overwhelming, but no one has to manage it alone. The cancer care team may seem focused on physical health, but they care about emotional health, too. Keep them involved and aware. Learn about and use the resources available. Coping with cancer is stressful, but no one has to do it alone.

Depression and the person with cancer

It’s normal to grieve over the changes that cancer brings to a person’s life. The future, which may have seemed so sure before, now becomes uncertain. Some dreams and plans may be lost forever. But if a person has been sad for a long time or is having trouble carrying out day-to-day activities, that person may have clinical depression. In fact, up to 1 in 4 people with cancer have clinical depression.

Clinical depression causes great distress, impairs functioning, and might even make the person with cancer less able to follow their cancer treatment plan. The good news is that clinical depression can be treated. If someone you know has symptoms of clinical depression, encourage them to get help. There are many ways to treat clinical depression including medicines, counselling, or a combination of both. Treatments can reduce suffering and improve quality of life.

Symptoms of clinical depression

• Ongoing sad, hopeless, or “empty” mood for most of the day
• Loss of interest or pleasure in almost all activities most of the time
• Major weight loss (when not dieting) or weight gain
• Being slowed down or restless and agitated almost every day, enough for others to notice
• Extreme tiredness (fatigue) or loss of energy
• Trouble sleeping with early waking, sleeping too much, or not being able to sleep
• Trouble focusing thoughts, remembering, or making decisions
• Feeling guilty, worthless, or helpless
• Frequent thoughts of death or suicide (not just fear of death), suicide plans or attempts

Helping the clinically depressed person with cancer

Anxiety, fear, and the person with cancer

At different times during treatment and recovery, people with cancer may be fearful and anxious. Finding out that they have cancer or that the cancer has come back causes the most anxiety and fear. Fear of treatment, doctor visits, and tests might also cause apprehension (the feeling that something bad is going to happen).

It’s normal to feel afraid when you’re sick. People may be afraid of uncontrolled pain, dying, or what happens after death, including what might happen to loved ones. And, again, these same feelings may be experienced by family members and friends. Signs and symptoms of fear and anxiety include:

• Anxious facial expressions
• Uncontrolled worry
• Trouble solving problems and focusing thoughts
• Muscle tension (the person may also look tense or tight)
• Trembling or shaking
• Restlessness, may feel keyed up or on edge
• Dry mouth
• Irritability or angry outbursts (grouchy or short-tempered)

If a person has these symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, and they are interfering with his or her life, a mental health evaluation could helpful. Keep in mind that sometimes, despite having all the symptoms, a person may deny having these feelings. But if they’re willing to admit that they feel distressed or uncomfortable, therapy can often help.

Things to do to help

• Encourage, but do not force, each other to talk.
• Share feelings and fears that you or the anxious person may be having.
• Listen carefully to each other’s feelings. Offer support, but don’t deny or discount feelings.
• Remember that it’s OK to feel sad and frustrated.
• Get help through counselling and/or support groups.
• Use meditation, prayer, or other types of spiritual support if it helps.
• Try deep breathing and relaxation exercises. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, focus on each body part and relax it, start with your toes and work up to your head. When relaxed try to think of a pleasant place such as a beach in the morning or a sunny field on a spring day.
• Talk with a doctor about using anti-anxiety or anti-depressant medicines.

Things not to do

• Keep feelings inside.
• Force someone to talk if they’re not ready to.
• Blame yourself or another person for feeling fearful or anxious.
• Try to reason with a person whose fears and anxieties are severe; talk with the doctor about medicines and other kinds of help.

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When a friend or loved one has cancer you may wonder how best to help and support them. Here you can find out about the different ways.

What should I say?

At first you might feel unsure about what to say or do, being open and sensitive to how they are feeling is what most people need. Knowing you are there for them will really help.

Every person with cancer has a different experience so try not to assume how they might be feeling. They may feel happy one day and sad the next. Try to be mindful of their mood. Remember that they might not want to talk or think about their cancer all of the time. Having a normal conversation about everyday things and sharing a joke can sometimes be very welcome. Try not to take it personally if they don’t want to talk about their cancer and respect their need for privacy or to have some quiet time.

The emotions they might feel

You might find that their mood changes from one moment to the next. This is a normal response to a diagnosis of cancer. There are a whole range of emotions that they might experience including:

• Anger • Sadness • Uncertainty • Fear • Guilt • Frustration • Loneliness • Isolation • Resentment • Grief

Emotional support

Research has shown that emotional support from family and friends can make a big difference to the quality of life of someone with cancer. People are often afraid of saying the wrong thing to someone with cancer. If you are open, honest and show your concern then you can be a great support. Here are some tips that might help you.

Being a good listener

A good listener tries to be aware of someone’s thoughts and feelings as much as they can. You don’t need to have all the answers. Just listening to a person’s concerns or worries can be hugely helpful. A good listener tries to really tune in and listen to a person in the moment. Listening is an important part of providing emotional support.

Here are some tips on how to listen well

• Try to keep the setting private, relaxed and with few distractions.
• Maintain eye contact but don’t stare.
• Let the person with cancer lead the conversation and try not to interrupt.
• Give your full attention to what they are saying.
• If you’re finding it difficult or upsetting don’t change the subject – say how you feel, this can prevent any awkwardness.
• If they cry, don’t try to cheer them up. Reassure them that it’s OK to be sad and that it’s a normal response to what’s happening to them.
• A friendly touch of the hand can help but if they pull away give them space.
• Try not to give advice unless they have asked for it.
• Don’t use humour unless they have used it themselves.
• Silences are OK, don’t feel like you have to fill them with words.

Practical support

As well as supporting someone emotionally it can help to offer practical support too. Check in with your friend or loved one and ask if there is anything specific that they need help with.

Some people don’t want help, or they may find it hard to accept it. They might want to remain as independent as possible. Try not to take this personally. Respect their decision but let them know that if they change their mind you are there. You could offer to help again in the future or set up a rota so that you and friends can take it in turns to help out. Make sure that you are able to commit to any offers of help that you do make.

Here are some practical ideas:

• Make some meals that they can put in the freezer
• Offer to do some gardening
• Drive them to the hospital for blood tests and appointments
• Help with the cleaning or laundry
• Take any pets for a walk or to the vet
• Offer to do the shopping
• Return or pick up library books
• Offer to take the children to and from school
• Bring them lunch and stay for a chat
• Run any errands that they might need doing
• Ask before you visit, in case they are feeling too unwell

10 tips for supporting a friend with cancer:

• In females in the UK, there were around 178,000 new cancer cases in 2016.
• In males in the UK, there were around 185,000 new cancer cases in 2016.
• Every two minutes someone in the UK is diagnosed with cancer.
• Since the early 1990s, incidence rates for all cancers combined have increased by more than a tenth (12%) in the UK. Rates in females have increased by almost a sixth (16%), and rates in males increased by less than a twentieth (2%).
• Incidence rates for all cancers combined are projected to rise by 2% in the UK between 2014 and 2035, to 742 cases per 100,000 people by 2035.
• UK incidence is ranked higher than two-thirds of Europe.
• UK incidence is ranked higher than 90% of the world.
• Survival varies between cancer types, ranging from 98% for testicular cancer to just 1% for pancreatic cancer.
• Many of the most commonly diagnosed cancers have ten-year survival of 50% or more (2010-11).
• More than 80% of people diagnosed with cancer types which are easier to diagnose and/or treat survive their cancer for ten years or more (2010-11).
  
  

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Even though your children will be upset when they learn about your cancer, don't pretend that everything is okay. Even very young children can sense when something is wrong. They will see that you don't feel well, are away from home more often, or can't spend as much time with them as you used to. Children as young as 18 months old begin to notice what's going on around them. It's important to be honest. Telling the truth is better than letting them imagine the worst. Give your kids time to ask questions and express their feelings.

What children of all ages need to know about cancer:

• Nothing your child did, thought, or said caused you to get cancer.
• Just because you have cancer doesn't mean you'll die from it. In fact, many people live with cancer for a long time.
• Your child can't make you well. But there are ways he or she can make you feel better.
• Scientists are finding many new ways to treat cancer.

About living with cancer in the family

• Your child is not alone. Other children have parents who have cancer.
• It's okay to be upset, angry, or scared.
• Your child can't do anything to change the fact that you have cancer.
• Family members may act differently because they're worried about you.
• You will make sure that your children are taken care of, no matter what happens to you.

About what they can do

• They can help you by doing nice things like washing dishes, cleaning their room, or even drawing you a picture.
• They should still go to school and take part in sports and other fun activities.
• They can talk to other adults for support, such as teachers, family members, and religious or spiritual leaders.

How kids may act when you have cancer

Children can react to cancer in many different ways. For example, they may:

• Be confused, sared, lonely, or overwhelmed.
• Feel guilty and think that something they did or said caused your cancer.
• Feel angry when they are asked to be quiet or to do more chores around the house.
• Miss the amount of attention they're used to getting.
• Regress and behave as they did when they were much younger.
• Get into trouble at school or at home.
• Be clingy and afraid to leave the house.

Teens

If you have a teenager, know that they're at a time in their lives when they're trying to break away and be independent from their parents. Try to get them to talk about their feelings and ask questions. Tell them as much as they want to know about your cancer. Ask them for their opinions and, if possible, let them help you make decisions.

Teens may want to talk with other people in their lives. Friends can be a great source of support for them, especially those who also have a serious illness in their family. Other family members, teachers, coaches, and spiritual leaders can also help. Encourage your teenage children to talk about their fears and feelings with people they trust.

Adult Children 

If you have adult children, your relationship with them may change now that you have cancer. You may:

• Ask them to help with making health care decisions, paying bills, or taking care of the house
• Ask them to explain medical information
• Need them to go to the doctor with you or pick up medicines
• Rely on them for emotional support
• Feel awkward when they help with your physical care

For some parents, it may be hard to ask for comfort and care from their grown children. But it's important to talk about cancer with your family members, even if they get upset or worry about you. Try to include them when talking about your treatment. Let them know the choices you would like them to make about your care, in case you're too sick to make the choices yourself. Recognize that it may be hard for your children to have this talk and that, like you, they're trying to adjust to your illness.

Some websites may be helpful in providing support for children who have a parent with cancer.

Riprap

Riprap is a UK website designed to offer support to teenagers of all ages who have a parent affected by cancer. They have an email information service, an online forum and information about local support.

• Visit the riprap website

Winston's Wish

This UK based organisation provides support for children who have
lost a parent. 

Helpline: 08088 020 021

• Visit the Winston's Wish website

Hope Support Services

Hope is a UK charity supporting children and young people when a close family member is diagnosed with a serious illness, such as cancer. Hope provides a free, safe online service which is accessible from anywhere across the UK for those aged 11-25. Hope Online includes a peer support community where young people can share experiences and ways to cope.

Email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Tel: 01989 566317

• Visit the Hope Support Services website

kids konnected

This American website is for kids and teens who have a parent with cancer, or who have lost a parent with cancer. Their support groups and camps are US based, but people in the UK can order their books and look at their list of resources for kids, teens and parents.

• Visit the Kids Konnected website

Internet safety

Remember to take care when children are using the web. It is your responsibility to check that the material your own child is accessing is suitable for them. We have looked at these sites before putting this information up. But we have not checked all the material on these sites and things can change over time. Supporting a person with cancer can be very rewarding and can bring you closer together. But it can also be demanding and sometimes upsetting. It’s important to make sure that you look after yourself and have the support you need.

Supporting yourself

If you’re tired, it’s important to rest. This may seem obvious, but many people carry on, despite their tiredness, only to feel exhausted later. It’s also important to get enough sleep. Give yourself time to do things you enjoy on a regular basis. This will help you feel rested and relaxed. Try to include things that:

• Involve keeping in touch with other people, such as having lunch with a friend
• Give you a sense of accomplishment, such as exercising or finishing a project
• Make you feel good or relaxed, such as watching a funny film.

Help from others

Many people find that they benefit from the support of others. This is nothing to be ashamed of and you shouldn’t feel you’ve failed if you need some support to deal with your own emotions. Sometimes talking to another family member or friend can be enough. Or you may find it helpful to talk with your relative or friend’s specialist nurse. They will be able to tell you if there are any local support organisations or counselling services that may be suitable for you.

If your employer has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), you can contact a counsellor that way.
You can also contact our cancer support specialists on 0808 808 00 00 or an organisation such as Samaritans, the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy or the UK Council for Psychotherapy who can give you more information and support.

If you have access to the internet, you may want to join an online support group or chat room for people affected by cancer. Our online community is a site where you can chat to other people, blog about your experiences, make friends and join support groups. You can share your own thoughts and feelings and get support too. Supporting someone with cancer may be something new to you. Every person is unique and there is no one way to get it right. It’s important to remember that it’s your care and compassion that your relative or friend will value most.

read more ⁷

After your cancer treatment is over, you may have a number of different feelings. When you are ready to think about going back to work, talking to your employer can help. Deciding on a flexible return-to-work-plan can help both of you to understand:

• How your employer can help you
• What you are capable of
• When changes might be needed

The plan might include changes to your hours, your duties, or your workplace. Depending on your condition, you may have to change parts of your job, for example driving or operating machinery. Your employer must make reasonable adjustments to help you return. This could include changing the requirements of your role, making sure you have suitable access to the workplace, or providing you with different tools.

It is also important to consider your financial situation. Your mortgage or credit agreements may have changed during your treatment. And if you were receiving benefits, returning to work may cause some of them to stop. There are many places to go for advice and guidance about financial issues.

What are my rights?

If you have or have had cancer, you are protected by law from unfair treatment at work. This means that it's unlawful for an employer to treat you less favourably (discriminate against you) because of your cancer.

Under equalities law your employer should try to support you. This includes making changes (known as reasonable adjustments) to help you stay in or return to work when you are ready and able to. To find out more about your rights, download our short guide. If you live in Northern Ireland, please download this guide.

References:

1.  https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/cancer/in-depth/cancer-diagnosis/art-20044544
2.  https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/health-professional/cancer-statistics-for-the-uk (graphic link)
3.  https://www.cancer.org/treatment/treatments-and-side-effects/emotional-side-effects/anxiety-fear-depression.html
4.  https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/family-friends-caregivers/how-support-someone-with-cancer
5.  https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/health-professional/cancer-statistics/incidence#heading-Zero (graphic link)
6.  https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/coping/adjusting-to-cancer/talk-to-children
7.  https://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/organising/work-and-cancer/information-for-employees/going-back-to-work.html
8.  https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/health-professional/cancer-statistics/survival/all-cancers-combined#heading-Zero (graphic link)